Leicester City v Everton Preview

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Everton’s final game of October sees them in the relegation zone and with an interim manager. I’d say ‘imagine that’ but chances are you’re an Evertonian reading this so you can very well imagine it due to our propensity for painfully shitting it.

As with all new managers, temporary and permanent, you get a load of lids watching the game and over analyzing for desperate signs of either hope or doom. But since it’s Unsworth and he’s a well liked Everton man it was mostly scouring for signs of hope and salvation in the form of a spirited defeat away to Chelsea.

Shit stands though that we exited our easiest pop at a trophy we’ve never won in 22 years. Context is key so it was a much more committed start and away to the current English champions but, you know what, I’m still gutted we haven’t won a trophy for so long. This time in a few days the Europa League daydream may be popped too.

This sequence of games is Unsworth’s chance to put himself in the spotlight and he’s going about it in the right way off the pitch but talking up how Everton should play and not patting us on the head, before going home to stroke in a most methodical manner over all his old goals for Barcelona, as perhaps others did.

But nice Everton words only buy some temporary goodwill, it’s the results and to some degree the performances that will placate an increasingly frustrated fanbase. A fanbase energised by new ownership and urging smashing of previously tolerated glass ceilings. To move in that sort of company and stick there takes a lot of money, some time and cajones on a manager and player to compete and show they belong there. Here’s hoping. Just as I’ve been hoping for a few decades now.

Sound’s like a negative opening to a preview when there’s a spark of hope amongst my beloved fellow blues but while we’re sweating it away down in the bottom three you’ll have to excuse my anxiety. I was at the Wimbledon game, the Coventry one too, and I don’t want any more of that shit. Especially when merely ten weeks ago we were bouncing on the back of spending more money on new players than ever before and looking up the table, not down. Instability and flux are the the fatal foes of many a top flight team.

Leicester are a week or two ahead of us after sacking their internal-interim-manager-made-permanent after only a few months in the job. An indicator that the current Premier League is no easy cutting ground for managerial teeth. To improve things Leicester has taken Claude Puel – Koeman’s successor – who himself was fired after just one season on the south coast. Puel looks as though someone has pulled a plug under the skin between his eyes, and his entire face is being sucked down the drain.

Anyway plenty speak well of Puel and his French teams so maybe he has it in him to plunder Leicester what they expect. Or maybe Leicester have had their wonderful moment in the sun and are now in the process of returning to being, well, Leicester.

Excuse me for the moment but I can hear someone playing Spin Doctors’ Two Princes so I need to find the source and eliminate it.

Done.

What about the Leicester fans? I’m not much of a fan to be honest. There’s too much ‘rugby crowd’ about them. Genuinely no one gives a fuck about Leicester now except in Thailand where the questionable human rights fucks who own them have sold it as their own personal achievement winning the Premier League. When’s the next civil uprising coming? Can’t wait, go after them. And them knobheads in Chang who I had to endure as my match day pint for too long.

There’s an inherent dullness around many of their fans who are too casual about their footie knowledge, many of them piggybacking onto Leicester’s fluke from their other weekend pursuits of following “the rugger”, shite tattoo art and hunting badgers of a night time in their mate’s jeep the shithouse fucks. They support England avidly in Leicester. Did anyone tell you they found a king buried under one of their car parks? Well they did, because it’s only the second thing that’s ever happened in Leicester in 700 years of documented history. They’re so nondescript – the brogues and jeans wearing shitheads – that half the world can’t even pronounce the name of where they’re from. Try asking an American to say the word Leicester and watch as their tongue and mouth muscles have a full fucking breakdown.

Anyway a list of some of their players:

Vardy – the little racist fruit bat looking shitehawk. A face that could cut easily through a category 4 hurricane with ease. Fucking hurt him Everton.

Mahrez – ace player but a tithead.

Okazaki – really good player, like him a lot. Hard working skillful forward who doesn’t give any backline a moment to breathe. Takeshi’s hassle, if you will.

Ndidi – Nigerian midfielder who sounds like two scouse girls having a moan in Costa Coffee.

Fuchs – Austrian defender who sounds like two scouse lads having a moan in Wetherspoons.

Maguire – what an unfortunate looking bastard. Looks like Joey Barton would, if he had a peanut allergy and ate 14 Snickers a day, the porky biff faced twat.

Can’t be arsed with the rest of them. Let’s briefly chat Everton.

Seems that Unsworth set out his stall in what he likes in his Everton team which includes the welcome advent of width. So it wouldn’t be a surprise to see that width retained in either Lennon and Mirallas again, or Lookman & Vlasic if he wants to put some fresh legs in. We need to chat about Rooney playing as a centre forward. Stop that shit. His future in the Everton team is further back, which will cause some fun balancing that and the plethora of underperforming attacking midfielders we’ve got. He’s not everyone’s cup of tea but Calvert-Lewin has at least a presence up front through work rate and headers, even if he hasn’t worked out Premier League scoring as of yet. Hopefully that bit will come as there’s a good striker in there.

Gueye is signing a new contract which should be some relief to him as the likes of Davies and Baningime are going to push for midfield places if evidence thus far is anything to go off. McCarthy came back in and lasted an hour so let’s see if he’s deemed fit for this. Not sure is Schneiderlin is recovered from whatever affliction struck him down, but probably good for him to sit a few games out until his debilitating Honeymoon Flu passes over.

Experience was preferred at the back in Jagielka and Williams, there’s a £25m man in Michael Keane knocking around so maybe things will be rotated somewhat, or not. Baines and Kenny will likely be full backs and Pickford in goal.

Considering Leicester’s position in the league it’s as close to a six pointer in October as you can get. You’d think they’ll be desperate to get their new manager off to a good start, as David Unsworth once assisted a new manager of his own by scoring after just 30 seconds.

Anyway that’s everything that’s stored up in my head right now so I’ll bring this to a close.

Marry him, or marry me.

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